Why old people make young people uncomfortable

By old people, I'm referring to those whose age has begun to change them, has robbed them of who they were and what they could do. Age has imposed unwanted limits.

The young are so full of life and purpose, they don't want to acknowledge what life may hold for them at the end of it. The middle-aged don't want to be reminded that they are drawing closer to this stage in life.

There are exceptions I'm sure, but the younger you are and the older they are, the more uncomfortable you feel. They might be a beloved family member or someone you see in your job, even just someone you see at the mall. You may not even realize how you feel, just have an general feeling of unease. Don't glance past them, take notice. Ignore that uneasiness and your life maybe enriched.

This is on my mind because lately I've been spending time helping out my 90 year old grandma-in-law. While she's not decrepit or bed-ridden, she is frail, sometimes forgetful.

Grandma was a farmer's wife. She worked hard all her life, did the jobs that needed done, took care of herself and others. Now she can't do as much. Her life has shrunk to her house, which she still tries to clean herself despite that it's my job now. Her daily routine revolves around bodily functions, the need to eat, and the need to nap. Daily she is confronted with the reality of no longer being who she was, doing what she wishes to do. She is often frustrated with herself, sometimes to the point of tears.

Her tales of the people she knows are last week, last year to her but are often 5, 10, or more years ago. She hasn't forgotten the present, doesn't have Alzheimer's yet. She has some interesting theories on a wide variety of subjects that point to the beginnings of some form of dementia. (Did you know that during WWII, the Japanese infested the USA with the Asian Lady Bug as a form of biological warfare?)

When I first started visiting 2-3 days a week there was no uncomfortable feelings. I enjoyed her stories and opinions, her feistiness. The more I was around, the more I noticed the slipping of her thoughts, the frustration and even the fear she feels at the changes she cannot control.

I had never dreaded going over, didn't realize I was feeling uncomfortable. I just found my thoughts drifting into darker areas. I began to think it was time I labeled all the family "heirlooms" so my kids would know why this "junk" was important. I would be driving and just start thinking what I would do without my husband, of raising my grandson if my daughter was no longer here. I began to worry about finding Grandma dead when I went over. I was dreading going to see her.

It took me awhile to realize my sense of doom had to do with not a fear of dying, but a fear of living and being limited by my body and mind. Grandma was a reminder that I may be fortunate enough to live to a ripe old age, but I may not be in control of that old age.

As the visits have racked up, the discomfort and feelings of dread have passed. Now I find that I am looking forward to her company, to her happiness at my visits, her gratitude for my help around the house.

I have seen that Grandma still has a purpose in this life, she still finds as much joy as frustration in living. She is giving me as much or more than I am giving to her. I have learned from her that as long as we have purpose, life is still worth living.

What is Grandma's purpose...

...to piss the devil off. It is what keeps her going, the deal she made with the Lord. "I'm ready to go now but as long as you leave me here, I'll keep praying." And her belief that the devil is trying to kill her so she can't pray anymore may not be just another one of her "conspiracy theories".

I believe when she wakes up in the morning, the devil says "OH NO!! THE BITCH IS AWAKE!!"